Roaring Through My Twenties

Anticipated by many, I present to you the final installment of Memoirs from Mangalore. 
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The Final Four Days

After returning from my two-week backpacking trip across North India (you can read about this in part 1 and part 2), I spent my last few days in India teetering between feeling an immense amount of joy and total sorrow. Saying goodbye to Mangalore was something that I was bracing for for quite some time. Though, no matter how much I prepared, the efforts fell nothing short of a failure. Spending the amount of time that I did there, meeting all the people I did, cannot be neatly wrapped up in one single goodbye. Even today, I find myself still coping with the idea that I am here and not there.

Before catching my flight back to JFK, I spent two days in Mumbai for my final rounds of goodbyes (that were certainly not any easier). Sipping on coffee with friends who have relocated from Mangalore, singing karaoke, and getting emotional over a glass of wine (or two), these last few days came and went swiftly. Caleb, being an incredible source of comfort (and a contributing factor in my reluctance towards departing), sat with me patiently while I cried (some would say…sobbed) and offered me much-needed empathy in my time of total heartbreak. 

(And yes, of course one day I will be back in Mangalore/India. Though I am not yet sure when that will be. But I know the context will be different and I will feel and be different. And that thought itself is something I continue to feel grief over).

Before I knew it (and before I was really even ready), I boarded my fifteen-hour flight to New York. And here I am.

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To Sum It All Up…

I have spent more time than I would like to admit trying to sort the many eras of life that I have lived in my short 24 years, wondering if I will ever be able to identify a true measure of change to aid in my understanding of how I got where I am today or predict where I am going next. 

What I remain focused on is recognizing and appreciating all the things that came before my time in India, the experiences I had while I was there, and what I have taken with me now that I am home. 

India gave me an immeasurable amount of strength and bravery; these are two traits I would have never used to describe myself a year ago. It confirmed my love for what I do and hope to do moving forward. It forged friendships that will persist despite the distance between us and allowed me to recognize that our differences do not define us. India produced a sort of curiosity within me – for people, culture, customs, etc. – that I will continue to explore. 

I could write a novel-length post that contained all the details of my ten months in Mangalore. But I am not sure I will ever have the right words to express the immense amount of gratitude and love that I have for it; I may never do it justice in the way that it deserves. And, at least for now, I am (selfishly) feeling like there are just some things I want kept only for me.

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My desire to write may be one of my (not so) best-kept secrets. Admittedly, it’s not really even one of my greatest strengths. Though having this small platform to share these stories, whether you have found them interesting and relatable or not, has been cathartic. This digital diary became multipurpose; an outlet to process my emotions, a catalog of adventures, and even somewhat of a time-capsule. It remained a source of joy while providing a channel of interconnectedness as I navigated (blindly) a life for myself in India. 

When it came time to begin preparing for my departure from India, I also began mourning the eventual-end of this blog. I have decided that I am just not yet done writing (and oversharing). I will likely be “rebranding” this site to fit all the scenarios that I will surely find myself in in the near future.

I am looking for adventure in everything. Though I am longing for the days where I am in constant exploration-mode, I am working hard to remain present. 

New adventures aren’t so far ahead. In just a few weeks, I head to Boston to begin my Master’s degree in Educational Policy at BU. I’m excited, and scared, for these changes afoot. Though I am comforted by the idea that India has prepared me for so much and has given me the confidence to manage whatever comes my way. I am even more appreciative knowing there are a few people out there ready to read all about it.

Disclaimer: This blog is not an official site of the Fulbright Program or the U.S. Department of State.  The views expressed on this site are entirely those of its author and do not represent the views of the Fulbright Program, the U.S. Department of State, or any of its partner organizations.